Election 2016

Paul Ryan Is a Man of Principles

esquire.comPaul Ryan, the zombie-eyed granny-starver from the state of Wisconsin and runner-up in our most recent vice presidential pageant, got himself all up in the ‘hood today to talk about his latest attempt to put old hemlock in new bottles, but all anyone wanted to ask him about was how firmly he stood behind his party’s presumptive presidential nominee.

As a Serious Man Of Ideas—just ask anyone in a green room—Ryan is somewhat distressed that the clamorous racism of the Republican standard-bearer might drown out his new marketing scheme for knuckling the poors and starving the grannies. Which it will, because Ryan’s new plan is simply the same old song. Per TBOTP, which takes the whole damn thing—and Ryan himself—much too seriously:

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